There I Go Again...

I suppose I can be forgiven, after a week of the Democratic Convention, for having slipped back into my old reliance on reality-based thinking.

After all, there were all those people, proudly talking about things that jibe with the evidence of my own senses, and which have clear, objective evidence behind them. People were making logical connections between things, and presenting arguments based on facts, and making sense, and well ...

It was just the sort of environment that could knock a struggling reality addict like me right back onto the hard stuff, you know what I mean?

Thank goodness there was John McCain to snap me out of it.

I admit that caught up in my foolish reality-based perspective this morning, I’d reacted to McCain’s pick by saying “Is he kidding me??!"

"John McCain has lost his mind! The former mayor of Wasila? I've been through Wasila. Come ON!!”

Yes, at first, when I heard Republican apparatchiks talking her up, I laughed out loud. It didn't help that some of the news commentators had a tone in their voice that suggested they thought Ashton Kutcher (or Allen Funt for the older) might jump out at any moment.

But then I really thought about McCain's choice. And I think it was trying to picture the self-described "average hockey mom" in a confrontation with ex-KGB-guy Vladimir Putin that finally snapped me back to ... well, surreality.

What has been the greatest, most historic achievement of the Republican Party in the George W. Bush years? It's simple. The Bush administration moved our country out of its archaic dependence on reality-based thinking and politics.

It doesn't matter if there are weapons of mass destruction, it only matters that you say there are weapons of mass destruction. It doesn't matter that we actually torture, it only matters that we keep saying we don't! Human laws, heck, even physical laws, don't apply, if you have the power to say otherwise. Global climate change? Not happening! Silly, silly NASA scientists.

Heck, why stop there? In the Bush era, who needs evolution? And medical science? Why bother, when Republican members of Congress can perform remote video diagnosis of even the most severe brain damage, through sheer force of ideology. Drown an American city and embarass the nation in front of the entire world? Not a galactic-size screw-up, it's a heck of a job!

As Ron Suskind reported so long ago, in the modern GOP, one creates one's own reality.

Thinking Sarah Palin should have some "qualifications" to be a 72-year-old's heartbeat away from the presidency, that's old-style thinking. She's been picked by John McCain! She's a governor! Sure, being elected Governor in Alaska takes about as many votes as Mayor in say, Memphis, but hey, who cares? Again, numbers like that are old-reality thinking! It's simply typical Democrat elitism to suggest that staring down the Wasila City Council doesn't qualify one to attend a G8 summit.

Besides, didn't you hear in her speech what a reformer she is? How she said "Thanks, but no thanks" to Congress on the money for that Bridge to Nowhere? Yeah, sure, the state took the money anyway, but boy, howdy, they got to spend it on anything they wanted, not just some dumb bridge! Talk about change! Talk about fresh ideas!

McCain, what a maverick! What other Republican would pick the governor of the state that depends the most on federal dollars, the one where state-owned resources provide paychecks to every citizen? Others would be afraid of associating with such a socialist arrangement, and a Governor sucking off the Federal teat. But that just shows how well John McCain understands the power of defining your own reality!

Still, as Our President has told us time and again, governating is hard work. There are all those 'reports' to read, for example. And, maintaining one's focus in the face of all those people who still keep talking as if reality mattered, that can really wear on one. Do we have any indication that Sarah Palin has what it takes to carry the Bush/GOP legacy forward?

You bet we do!

Check out this story from Alaska, via the Huffington Post (still sadly clinging to the reality-based perspective, I'm afraid.)

Back in January, the secretary of the interior was considering whether or not polar bears should be on the endangered species list. There were strong feelings on both sides of the issue. Childish romantics, who think there should be more bio-diversity on Earth than cows and us, wanted them listed. Grown-ups (and oil company lobbyists) argued that the answers are never that simple. But what about the scientists? Governor Palin wrote an op-ed for the New York Times that said:

"I strongly believe that adding them [polar bears that is, not scientists] to the list is the wrong move at this time. My decision is based on a comprehensive review by state wildlife officials of scientific information from a broad range of climate, ice and polar bear experts."

The polar bears weren't drowning. They were hanging themselves in their cells.

So that was that. Scientists said so.

Except they didn't.

The Feds -- who eventually did add the bears to the list -- based their decision on models that showed all of Alaska's polar bears dead by 2050. The ice they hunt and mate on is melting and they'll fall in the water and drown.

There were too many "ifs" to this theory for Governor Palin. (Does ice really melt when it gets warm? Is ice really water? It doesn't look like water.) She had to have her own people check it out. So she sent the Feds' reports to three marine biologists, including Robert Small, head of the marine mammals program for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game.

Small wrote back:

"Overall, we believe that the methods and analytical approaches used to examine the currently available information supports the primary conclusions and inferences stated in these 9 reports."

In other words, the Feds are right. The email is dated October 9, 2007. Palin's op ed, where she says they said the Feds were wrong, was published January 5th, 2008.

But was Palin lying? Not technically. Look at what she wrote again. She only says her decision is "based on a comprehensive review of wildlife experts." She doesn't say it's based on agreeing with anything they said. That's you, jumping to conclusions.

It's like later, in the same op ed, where she repeats talk radio's favorite polar bear fact:

"Polar bears are more numerous now than they were 40 years ago."

The implication is that their habitat is stable and climate change is something Al Gore made up because he's lonely. But it's only an implication. Why else would their population increase? I mean, we also stopped hunting them in 1973, and that's... let's see... 08 minus 73... carry the 5... round up... about 40 years ago.

Man, does she have the knack, or what? Black is white, and you know, I'm beginning to see how up looks a lot like down, now that you mention it. We've got so many polar bears running around (since we stopped shootin' 'em) that we can certainly stop worrying about them, you know, being extinct soon.

Besides, it's not like the polar ice cap is really melting. That's just Al Gore trying to get publicity. Well, Al Gore and these guys. But again, reliance on data is that old-school reality-based thinking! You've got to stop doing that if you're going to grasp the power of the GOP's message!

Not that Palin is the perfect choice for McCain, of course. She does come equipped already with an illegal firing scandal, but she is young, and she has some on-the-job training ahead. For example, she apparently is still wondering "what is it exactly that the VP does every day?"

Apparently she's "used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration", which, as I recall, wasn't John Nance Garner's impression of the job. (Maybe Sarah missed that day in US History class... whatever.)

That was back in the old reality-based days, of course, when there wasn't all that 'hard work' involved in maintaining the new reality. I'm sure there will be work for Sarah to do. There would be even more if McCain's age and medical history were to catch up to him. I don't think even Karl Rove's considerable skill could help McCain then.

But maybe that's my old bias sneaking in again. Who knows? In a world where Sarah Palin is a credible candidate for Vice President, maybe anything is possible!