Sleight of Hand

Had I not seen TV footage of Senator Frist outlining this idea himself, I would have thought it was a satirical story.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Most American taxpayers would get $100 rebate checks to offset the pain of higher pump prices for gasoline, under an amendment Senate Republicans hope to bring to a vote soon.

A hundred bucks? Are they serious? What kind of a cheap date do they think I am? They want to buy me 30 gallons of gas, and call it even?

Well, no. Of course not. They just want to buy me, and you, 30 gallons of gas to distract us from their real purpose.

However, the GOP energy package may face tough sledding because it also includes a controversial proposal to open part of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska to oil exploration, which most Democrats and some moderate Republicans oppose.

Perhaps they could title it the "How Much is a Caribou Worth to You?" Act.

"Our plan would give taxpayers a hundred dollar gas tax holiday rebate check to help ease the pain that they're feeling at the pump," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist announced Thursday.

Let's see, which would I rather have, a hundred dollar "gas tax holiday" or the sixty-day one that Democratic Senator Menendez was talking about? Hmm. Mr. Frist wants me to keep paying the tax, but promises he'll cut me a check, which by the time it arrives will pay for fewer gallons than it does now. While on the other hand, Mr. Menendez thinks I shouldn't pay the tax at all, and instead companies like the one that just declared 8 BILLION dollars in profit for the first ninety days of 2006 should make up the difference. And he can accomplish that without disturbing vital arctic habitat.

Mr. Frist, you're going to have to make a better offer:

"It also includes strong federal anti-price gouging protection to protect consumers against anti-competitive behavior by oil companies or other suppliers of gasoline. Our free market system works, but it works best when there's full accountability and full transparency."

Impressive. One does enjoy a free market, with full accountability and transparency. Perhaps, Mr. Frist, you might explain why you spent the day trying to defeat Senator Wyden's proposal to stop providing royalty relief to the oil companies, now that the price of crude is around $70 a barrel? I'm no economist, but it seems like, with a price like that, there really isn't any need for a government subsidy, it being, as you say, a free market.

Me, I think maybe they could start paying us some subsidies.

That Republican anti-price-gouging bill doesn't look so good either. A Democratic Congressman's table comparing the Democratic and Republican House proposals can be found here.

I recognize that it's Standard Operating Procedure in Washington to make a lot of noise and appear concerned about whatever has the public in an uproar, but really, couldn't the Republicans do better than this transparent sham? It's like they're phoning it in, not even trying anymore. They offer us $100, say that price gouging is very bad and they're against it, and then they hope we won't notice that they're actually hoping to pass legislation to help the oil companies? What do they take us for?

Right.